If I Should Die Before I Wake by Lurlene McDaniel

Author:Lurlene McDaniel
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781581960099
Publisher: Lerner Publishing Group

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Matt was right. His mother did make the best fried chicken in the world. Deanne loved the meal of fried chicken, potato salad, baked beans, watermelon, brownies, and plenty of ice-cold lemonade. Deanne thought she was going to burst. Everything tasted so good!

Two hours later, everyone had settled down to let the food digest. The four younger kids played ball. Matt and his dad went for a walk. Janet, Tina, and Deanne stretched out on the blanket under the shady oak trees.

Deanne couldn’t remember feeling more content. She briefly thought of her mother at the Cortlands’. She started to feel guilty, but she pushed the thought aside. “We’re all having a good time,” she told herself. She was. And she knew her mom would be having a good time sailing. Her father was happy working at the hospital.

Janet Gleason spoke up, “Matt tells me you’re part of the hospital’s volunteer staff.”

“Yes, I am,” Deanne confirmed.

“Is it fun?” Tina asked.

“It’s fabulous!” Deanne said. “It makes me feel busy and useful. I hate sitting around doing nothing all summer.”

“I don’t think I’d like to be around sick people all the time,” Tina sighed. “What with Matt and all . . .” her voice trailed and she sniffed loudly.

Immediately, Deanne knew what she meant. “You don’t think about how sick a patient is,” Deanne told her. “You just think about how you can make him feel better.”

“I can’t stand to see Matt hurting,” Tina continued.

“Matt’s been sick for a very long time, Deanne,” Janet said, patting Tina. “On again, off again. In the hospital, out of the hospital. He’s well for months and then back for more radiation, chemicals, spinal taps . . .”

“Sometimes,” Tina started, “I used to hate him.” She paused. “Mom and Dad were with him all the time. My aunt and I were in charge of the others. It made me mad and I felt guilty, too. I was well and healthy. Matt wasn’t.”

“We have a wonderful minister,” Janet explained. “He’s helped us deal with Matt’s illness, and our feelings about it. I don’t know what we would have done if we hadn’t had him.”

“Don’t you ever get angry with God?” Deanne asked. No one had ever talked to her as if she were an adult, as if she had feelings and thoughts about life.

“Why?” Tina asked. “It’s not God’s fault Matt’s sick. Bad things happen to good people all the time. It’s how the person faces up to the bad things that really matters. Matt’s never hated God because he’s sick. How can I?”

Deanne felt the impact of her words. She looked across the green grass at Matt and his father. They walked slowly. Their heads were close in conversation. Her heart went out to him. Her life was so perfect by comparison. If only she could tell her parents right then how she felt. If only. . .

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